


What Happened In January

by nukacherries



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 2020s, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America Sam Wilson, Established James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Fix-it fic, M/M, Nightmares, One Shot, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Prediction Fic, Reunions, Thanos (Marvel) Dies, Time Travel Fix-It, repost from my old account
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-07 16:41:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nukacherries/pseuds/nukacherries
Summary: Steve found himself again holding off Thanos, who held only three infinity stones remaining in his gauntlet. It was still powerful enough to kill him, but not powerful enough to wipe out half the universe. But instead of giving up, he screamed in fury, refusing to back down. To hell with this purple bastard. To the monster that took everything from him. To hell with the monster that gave him sleepless and nightmare filled nights every since January.Thanos looked just as perplexed as the first time. No matter what he had to do, he had to prevent Thanos from clenching his fist. Everything but him clenching his fist.It was almost like last time, except that now, Steve was more determined than ever to personally deliver Thanos' headless body to the gates of hell.(IW Fix-It, major spoilers, reupload from my old account. originally posted on 05/05/2018)





	What Happened In January

**Author's Note:**

> IW broke my spirit into twenty million pieces so here I am, coping with end of the year stress for college and, well, Infinity War. Life after IW and life before IW are two very different things. I'm using the date that is on the MCU Wikia. What a useful website.
> 
> Nothing's been the same since the Snap (tm)
> 
> Here's a fix it, I hope it helps during these trying times. 2019 can't come soon enough.

Steve was in too much of a daze to realize what the hell just happened.

The sky was silent, birds stopping their chirping. The battlefield was silent. It was eerie, almost like a candle had been snuffed out in the middle of the night.

Steve held his stomach, his navy blue vibranium suit a bit scorched but still holding back of most the blood.

"Steve," Natasha's voice was broken, much like the sobs from Okoye behind him. He could hear Rhodey looking for Sam, calling out his name. Vision laid lifeless on the ground, Wanda nowhere to be seen.

But she just-

Thanos couldn't-

_Did that just happen?_

Bucky had stood there, not even five minutes before-

Steve let the ashes fall in between from his fingers and down to the soil. The rest of the battlefield was silent. The beasts had died, and so had-

No, they weren't dead.

Missing. Disappeared. Vanished. Everything but dead. No body, no death.

"Oh God," he choked out. "What just-" He stared down at the ashes on the soil. Felt them on the tip of his fingers. Let them fall down onto the soil again.

What the fuck just happened?

"Where's Sam?" he asked urgently. "Nat, where's Sam?"

Natasha gulped, voice shaking. "He's…" she trailed off.

He heard a metal clang and watched Rhodey fall to his knees. With shaking hands, he held ashes from the same spot Sam was thrown to.

Steve felt like he got blasted by the gauntlet once more.

Thor shared the same look of disbelief. There were no words to explain what just happened. No words of how to react. Like the rug was snatched out from underneath your feet.

Like your heart had gotten ripped from your body.

Like Rhodey, Thor fell to his knees. He screamed in despair. The axe, stained with purple Titan blood, laid on the ground forgotten. Steve heard thunder in the distance, but no rain came.

The sun was obscured by large gray clouds, matching the emotional state of the god of thunder. Of everyone.

And for the first time in a long time, Steve was at a loss of what to do.

* * *

Everyone grieved.

Okoye openly cried at the loss of some of her sisters-in-arms with the Dora Milaje that were amongst the disappeared. Her lover disappeared. Her king was gone and she watched him disintegrate before her eyes.

Shuri temporarily took on the mantles of Black Panther and Queen of Wakanda; her mother was missing too.

Steve lost Sam, his bestest friend. His wingman. He lost Wanda, the closet thing he had to a younger sister. He lost Vision. An entire nation lost T'Challa. Bucky.

Bucky.

Once again, he had seen Bucky die and wasn't able to do anything about it. His last words were his name. And now, he was nothing but ashes, a pile of dust. His friends were gone. Not dead, like hell they were. But gone.

His partner was gone and he wasn't able to say goodbye.

* * *

Body in pain and his spirit still weary, Steve found himself on the battlefield again that same evening of that same cursed day, the much too beautiful for the occasion Wakandan sunset lighting his path. He carefully walked around the rotting corpses of the alien beasts, around the weapons and piles of ashes from fallen warriors.

The battlefield that was once loud and full of war cries, chants, Vibranium spears piercing alien skin only a few hours ago had turned into ashen graveyard at the snap of Thanos's fingers.

He didn't say a word out loud, turning down the chatter in his communicator. He didn't want to be interrupted, not now.

He went to the path in the woods, where Thanos's footprints were still imprinted in the dirt. Vision's body was gone, temporarily placed in Shuri's lab.

His knees finally gave out in the middle of the clearing. He couldn't keep walking anymore. He couldn't keep breathing.

Unexpectedly, the shock broke and the tears came in a rush. Once they started flowing, they couldn't stop.

Steve cried in the clearing, his gloveless hands dirtying as he grabbed the dirt on the ground and threw it. He was surrounded by his best friends' ashes, but he couldn't change that reality. What happened, happened.

He wished Thanos took him instead.

* * *

The United Nations was in disarray with over half of its members missing. Secretary Ross survived, to Steve's numb disbelief. He was shaken by the situation and Steve supposed he could sympathize with that.

That was as far as he could go.

The Sokovia Accords were thrown out the window with Steve hearing the words "Do what you have to do to fix this goddamn bitch of a mess" from Ross.

Of calling out Bucky's name in his sleep and receiving no response. Of looking for Sam before realizing what had happened. Of seeing his best friends turn into ashes over and over and over every time he closed his eyes.

He found himself visiting that clearing every evening, every Wakanda sunset different in the backdrop. Thinking of ways he could have prevented it. Of how he could have fixed it. What could have happened instead.

Thanos was unstoppable with all the stones, but Steve still tried. Only to get blasted in the stomach and tossed to the side like a ragdoll.

Tony and Steve...well.

Nothing like the end of the world to really put things into perspective. Steve knew not being upfront with Tony was a problem and that he shouldn't have lied in the bunker. Or kept the truth about December to himself.

They both had suffered a tremendous loss of spirit, hope. Especially when Steve learned Peter Parker disappeared in Tony's arms.

Had this been any other case, Tony would have probably greeted Steve with a solid punch to the throat.

But instead, the two men silently hugged for a while. And didn't comment on the tears that were both threatening to spill down their faces.

Steve knew that Tony wasn't happy to see him, but he wasn't...unwelcomed either. They were both shaken and traumatized by the snap.

"It's good to see you, Tony," Steve had said a bit awkwardly after brushing away at his cheeks.

Tony thought about his response and then said, "You too, Cap."

* * *

Steve remembered all of it. He remembered the world in chaos, with multiple missing persons posters posted all over the streets all over the world, with the even the president of the United States herself being one of the affected. He remembered seeing looped footage of news anchors disappearing in the middle of their breaking news report.

Natasha saw him go to the door and she merely sighed. She gave up on trying to talk to him out of going to the clearing so often.

"Where you going?" Tony asked.

"For a walk."

"I'll go with you."

Steve raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything. He merely moved to the side and let Tony join him on the familiar route he walked to, different sunset every time.

During the Battle of Wakanda, Tony had been on a distant planet with the currently missing Guardians of the Galaxy, the group that Groot and Rocket were from. They could have prevented the snap, were so close to getting it off Thanos's hand, but Peter Quill had found out that Thanos killed Gamora in exchange for the soul stone.

"I don't blame him," Tony had said about Quill's reaction. "You lose a loved one like that and the killer is right in front of you, I would have lost it too. Already have."

Steve remembered each iron punch he received from Tony that snowy day in Siberia. Each blast that could have killed him, had he been a normal man.

"I don't blame you for losing your...temper," Steve said carefully. "Back in Siberia. I really don't."

"You know, none of us won," Tony said. "That 'Civil War'," he did air quotations around the words. "It's what the media called it. In a war, there's supposed to be a winning side. But there wasn't a winner then. It's clear to know that the purple bastard beat us now."

"I know," Steve said.

The two men came to a stop in front of the clearing, a few spots away from where Steve usually stood in.

"So, this is where you come to wallow in your sadness," Tony looked around the clearing, where the ashes remained in place save for the wind blowing them a few paces away from their spots.

"It's not wallowing."

"You come out here to mope every day? Sham view, if you ask me."

"Wouldn't call it moping."

"What is it then? Grieving?"

"What, am I not allowed to grieve?" Steve asked a little defensively. Tony was inching close to the line and both of them knew it.

"Don't turn it around on me, Cap. You're not allowed to hurt yourself."

"You sound like Nat."

"She has a point. Grief may be the motivator, but hurting yourself is the intention. Let me guess, you're drowning in guilt and sadness because you lost it all and your loved ones disintegrated into ashes right before your eyes and you haven't slept a wink since January 11th."

"You didn't come here for a walk," Steve said flatly.

"Took you long enough to notice. Call it an intervention of sorts. Nat thought about bringing the rest of the team in, but you're more on a one-on-one guy. Or like last time we had a talk, two-on-one with a few broken arms."

"Tony," Steve warned.

"Oh please, don't look so surprised. I can read you like a  _book_ , Rogers. I've been down that self destructive road since Manhattan, ever since that purple bastard was inside my head."

"As if you haven't mentioned that a few half hundred times." Steve knew he hit a tender spot when Tony dropped the sarcastic tone.

"You want to know why I mention it so much?! Because it affected me!" Tony snapped."Because it  _marked_ me! Because we lost! The end of the world came and went and will be back pretty damn soon. Thanos isn't done yet and neither are we. The original Avengers are all we have. You, me, Nat, Barton, Bruce and Thor. We need you at one hundred percent. I need you at one hundred percent," he continued. " _Everyone_  lost a loved one, Rogers. Half the population of the universe is missing. I felt the closest I had to a son disintegrate in my arms. I carry that weight every day. You carry the weight of seeing multiple loved ones disappear all at once. And you can't-for their sakes, you can't let that deter you. The worst case scenario happened, but I can't have you giving up on this fight. Not when we're the only ones left with a shot at defeating Thanos."

"Who said I was giving up?"

"Your actions do. Visiting their ashes every day will only make it worse," Tony sighed, before he added in a softer tone. "Especially his."

"Who told you?"

"No one had to. I connected the dots after you nearly killed me in Siberia. Steve, no one turns their back on over one hundred seventeen nations for just a  _good_ war buddy."

Steve didn't respond immediately, which was enough of an answer for Tony.

"We were only together for three months," he finally said. "Before he...he disappeared."

"It's rough."

Tony had more strength than anyone Steve knew.

"I thought you hated him."

"Oh, I do. Sure, he was mind controlled by HYDRA, but he still murdered my parents. Then comes the fact that you lied  _and_  withheld said information, so I'm still a little bitter. But these are end-of-the-world type of circumstances we are all in. Call this the second attempt of an olive branch. You're only going to hear this once. As…completely painful as this is, I'm willing to put  _most_ of my personal feelings aside about Barnes in order to focus on getting everyone back. I'll do that only  _if_  you stop visiting this place. Crying at his ashes won't bring him back, Steve. Figuring out what we know about the stones will. So, compromise?"

"Yeah. I can compromise."

"Good, I'm glad we got that cleared up. Now, can we leave? This place is a graveyard. Why couldn't we have had this talk in the palace?"

* * *

An unlikely hero stepped forward, having received a distress call from Nick Fury before he went missing.

Carol Danvers.

It took the survivors a month and a half to recover the missing population. A month and a half of space travel, time travel, nightmares, of meeting new people and fighting more creatures. Steve grew more tired by each passing day, but it meant a day close to recovering his family. It was different, not having the support he was accustomed to. Normally, he'd be the one talking to his teammates, bringing them up. Helping them fight.

The universe owed everything to Carol Danvers. Steve owed everything to Carol Danvers. He couldn't thank her enough for getting his family back.

Steve knew the details were too complicated of  _how_ she did it. But what mattered was that everyone who returned from the infinity realm ("Or soul stone realm; the names alternate with who's telling the story," Carol informed) survived. As physically intact as they were before they disappeared.

He remembered thanking Carol thoroughly when everyone returned, safe and sound.

When Steve had reunited with his friends again, there were tears, so many of them as he embraced each one of his family. He held on tighter to Sam and Wanda. Shuri tackled her brother in a hug.

Peter Parker had appeared and immediately hugged Tony. Steve heard the tail end of a "thank you, dad" in the midst of the almost incoherent thankful babbling.

There was the complete and utter relief that they didn't disintegrate into dust in his arms.

When Steve reunited with Bucky again, it was through a kiss rather than a hug. A heated kiss that Bucky instigated and Steve returned full heartedly, hands tangling in each other's long hair. Two lovers reuniting, after almost death.

"Damn, Steve. Why won't you kiss me like that?" Sam teased with a smirk on his face.

Which led everyone to laugh, to which Bucky smiled.

"God, I missed you so much, Stevie," he said softly.

Steve pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed his cheek. "I missed you too, Buck."

* * *

The Battle of Wakanda came again.

But this time, they were ready.

They successfully separated and destroyed the mind stone before Thanos would be scheduled to arrive in Wakanda, according to the Time Stone's visions.

Steve found himself again holding off Thanos, who held only three infinity stones remaining in his gauntlet. It was still powerful enough to kill him, but not powerful enough to wipe out half the universe.

But instead of giving up, he screamed in fury, refusing to back down. To hell with this purple bastard. To the monster that took everything from him. To hell with the monster that gave him nightmares every night since the eleventh, if he could even sleep in that night.

Thanos looked just as perplexed as the first time. No matter what he had to do, he had to prevent Thanos from clenching his fist. Everything but him clenching his fist.

It was almost like last time.

Except that instead of the forest clearing, it was in the middle of the field.

"Now!" Steve shouted and ran out of the way. Then, the full assault began.

And that unlike last time, Thor went for the head instead.

"Bring me Thanos!"Thor shouted, lightning crackling in the air into the axe.

With the Stormbreaker, the god of thunder descended from the sky followed with lightning and thunder and with a powerful swing cut off Thanos's head.

At the same time, Stephen Strange used one of his portals to sever the hand from the gauntlet. Okoye pulled out the gauntlet from his hand and haphazardly threw the limb to the side.

She stepped over Thanos's headless body and held up the gauntlet by the edge. And shouted the most powerful sentence ever uttered in the history of the universe:

"The Mad Titan is dead! Wakanda forever!"

* * *

A few hours after Thanos's body was burned to ashes, one stone was destroyed. The next day, the second. The day after, the third. Wanda slept uninterrupted for four days in the med bay following the destruction of the stones. Vision watched over for, now present in his human mortal form.

The Avengers, old and new, were revered as heroes. As were the Guardians of the Galaxy and Carol Danvers.

"Just call me Captain Marvel," she said with a smile.

The casualties from the Children of Thanos during the second Infinity War were high across the galaxy.

The fallen were buried and given their rites; the offers of celebratory parades were declined. There was too much damage to clean up and too much to mentally recover. The cost of victory was too high and while the rest of the universe was recovering a little faster, Terra had much to catch up on.

* * *

Six months after the second Infinity War was over, the world's recovered population was starting to pull itself together. Damages were being rebuilt with the aid of vibranium resources.

Six months and a half months after the second Infinity War, Steve announced his retirement.

Retirement from being an Avengers, that is. He would still aid in the remaining recovery efforts in Wakanda. He would be vital in the outreach programs and be a diplomat aiding T'Challa. Ironically, it would be with the United Nations. He would also still be a substitute in for the Avengers if  _absolutely_  necessary. But he was putting up his gray vibranium shield in the palace armory, next to Bucky's guns.

"I'll use it for the next space invasion," he had said.

"Don't jinx it," Shuri warned.

But for now and the time being, he was done being a soldier.

The Infinity Wars took too much of a toll on him, after everything he had been through. He wasn't sure he had the strength to be part of the Avengers anymore, much less lead them into newer battles with newer enemies.

The Secret Avengers were no longer secret; they were pardoned for breaking the laws set by the accords by the United Nations thanks to their bravery against the Mad Titan Thanos. No more hiding or being on the run. Their records were cleared. They could start over again.

The team, plus Bucky, Shuri and T'Challa were in a conference room when they had received the news from a holographic Thaddeus Ross.

"Only when it's at your convenience," Steve had commented.

"I'd watch that tone you're using, Rogers," Ross warned.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Sam elbowed Steve, shooting him a look.

"Sure you don't," Ross said sarcastically.

"I'd watch  _your_ tone, Secretary Ross. After all, we did save the entire universe," Rhodey grinned. Pulling that card would prove to never get old.

Ross opened his mouth and closed it, wanting to say more but holding back. He merely sighed and said, "Whatever." And cut the transmission.

"Dude," Sam turned to Steve. "You really need to quit pissing off the guy that could  _unclear_ our records."

"Couldn't help myself," Steve said with a small smile. "Had to have one last hurrah before the big announcement."

"You're proposing to Bucky?!" Shuri exclaimed, which caused Bucky to choke on his drink.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Bucky sputtered. "Hold up! Hold up! You're proposing  _now_?!"

"No!" Steve said. "No, not yet at least."

"Not yet?!" Shuri was the agitator.

"Barnes, I am not giving you Steve's hand in marriage," Sam said simply.

"Hey!" Bucky said indignantly.

Steve raised his voice over the chatter and announced, "I'm retiring!"

"What?!"

"I'm done with being Captain America," Steve said. "I'm retiring."

Silence collected around the room before Natasha said, "It took you long enough to retire."

"Old man," Rhodey clapped him on the back. "Congratulations!"

"We need to have a party," Shuri said immediately.

"We don't," Steve said.

"We do," T'Challa cut in before Steve could fight back. "You can't argue with the word of a king."

* * *

Before the retirement party, Steve knew his next move.

The circular red, white and blue shield had been returned to him by Tony after the Infinity Wars ended. A sign of peace. Of truce and compromise. But Steve wasn't keeping it in the armory.

He was going to offer Sam the mantle of Captain America with the New Avengers.

When Steve informed Tony that he didn't feel worthy to take back being Captain America, Tony agreed. He also approved of the decision of passing it down to Sam, even giving it his blessing. "Not that you need my blessing, you'd probably do it behind my back anyway," he added bluntly.

Before the party, Steve and Sam went for a walk to the palace lab, where the shield was in its protective casing.

When Steve asked Sam the big question, his best friend was silent. Almost in shock, trying to process it.

Then he said yes, an unbreakable grin on his face.

"Under one condition," Sam said. "I'm adding wings to the uniform." The words were spoken with such determination that Steve couldn't find it in himself to say otherwise.

Steve smiled. "Do what you want. It's all yours, pal."

"So, this is the Frisbee of Freedom," Sam said in awe. He held the shield and slipped one arm through the handle, struggling a little bit with the weight. "It's a bit heavier than it looks," he grunted.

"You get used to it," Steve said. "Especially with the magnetic gau-" he paused. Poor choice of words. "The magnetic glove."

"I'm keeping T'Challa's kitty scratches on the shield," Sam said. "They give it charm."

* * *

True to Steve's insistence, the retirement party was small, reserved for the New Avengers and company. Tony had to skip out due to returning to New York and working on his wedding plans. Carol couldn't attend due to assisting in galaxy recovery efforts.

However, she did leave him a coffee mug as a present. It was deeply appreciated.

Steve and Bucky took a short break from the festivities and went for a walk in the hilly prairie outside the palace to watch the sunset.

"Took us long enough to retire, huh?" Steve had asked, laying down on his back on top of the hill near Bucky's farm.

Bucky had laughed at that. "Just like a soap opera, you had to wait until three wars pulled us apart, I got turned into ashes by magic space rocks on a yellow metal glove, went to another dimension, then got reunited thanks to time travel, and now here we are on the night everyone is celebrating your retirement, making out with the sunset in the horizon."

"We have all the time in the world now," Steve said. "No more waiting, no more space invasio-"

Bucky placed a metal finger on Steve's lips. "Don't jinx it," he said cautiously.

Steve smiled and lifted Bucky's metal hand to kiss his palm.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"So...this proposal you mentioned," Bucky said casually. "No rush, obviously. But...you were thinking about it, right?"

"It crosses my mind," Steve said with a small smile. "One step at a time. I still gotta work out that whole retirement thing."

"I know we've talked about it, but how do you feel about Sam becoming Captain America now that he said yes?"

"I feel good. He's more than worthy of using that shield. Gonna take a while to get used to it not being called Cap."

"I'm gonna call him Captain Falcon. He's going to hate it," Bucky grinned. "But you, my love, are going to love retirement, especially now that you'll be home more often. You're going to learn the gentle ways of farming."

"Did I ever tell you about the time that Clint had a farm that he secretly hid from us?"

"I think you may have mentioned it once, but not complete details."

"He also had a secret family. Wife and maybe four kids. It was a bit weird, but after seeing creatures fall from the sky and having to behead a large purple thumb...I don't think I have the right to call anything weird anymore."

"You and me both."

Then Steve saw it: the watercolor-like warm array of the reds, oranges and pinks from the horizon gleaming on Bucky's now graying hair. There were still the small blonde highlights in the dyed chestnut brown.

Steve knew the gray in his hair and beard weren't any different than the one in Bucky's hair. The strands came due to age, and well, the incredible amount of stress the past few years have brought.

They were both over a hundred years old; a couple of gray hairs were  _long_ overdue.

Their peace was long overdue.

Bucky looked happier. Relaxed. Free. Free of the weight on his shoulders. Free of his past. Coping and living his life in peace, after nearly seven decades of pain.

Steve and Bucky always managed to find their way back to each other.

They were both home.

"Hey...I love you," Steve said softly.

He never got tired of saying it, and never will.

Bucky smiled and leaned down to brush his lips against his. "I love you too."

For those few moments, they lost themselves in each other, relishing in the cool breeze and warmth of the sun's setting rays on their skin.

And only reluctantly returned to the party when Natasha texted Steve the words "Save sneaking away for the wedding."

* * *

For Steve and Bucky, the two years after the war have been of finding home in Wakanda, of figuring out their relationship together. Of learning something new each day from each other. Of recovering from the mental toll the wars took on them. Of Steve properly learning how to farm.

It was hilarious enough to see the hundred-and-so-year-old-but-who-was-really-counting born and bred Brooklyn kid struggling to learn the calm ways of farming, but Bucky had plenty of time to teach him. Plenty of time to tease him too.

So they lived together on the tending to goats and later on, chickens. And later on, two horses.

It was nice to celebrate the Fourth of July without fireworks for a change.

They spent time in the Golden City, Bucky being affectionately known as the White Wolf, and later on, Steve became the Nomad. The White Wolf and the Nomad, living together in peace on the Wakanda countryside.

They spent time in the palace. Bucky with checkups. Every other Friday was family dinner night with T'Challa and his family. Steve started to draw again. He and Bucky were learning Xhosa. Bucky went to therapy, Steve went to therapy. Sometimes Bucky used his metal arm, other times he didn't.

They were living their life in peace.

And that's what mattered.

* * *

It was one year after the battle of Wakanda.

Steve woke up to the blanket on the ground and the window wide open, morning noises absent. Something felt off. Something was wrong.

"Steve?"

Steve turned to see Bucky standing in front of the bed, looking down at both of his arms as they slowly vanished and turned into dust. Again.

* * *

For the fourth time in that week, Steve woke up to the darkness of his shared bedroom instead of the crack of dawn like he was accustomed to. He hadn't broken into a cold sweat, but his heart was still racing against his chest.

Next to him, Bucky slept soundly, a soft vibranium laced blanket on top of him. Through the moonlight streaming in the upper window, Steve could see the outline of his legs curled up, taking most of the blanket.  _His_ blanket, Steve mentally corrected; Bucky always stole the blanket during the night and claimed it for his own. His long hair spilled over the matching cream colored pillowcase.

Which left Steve with the sheets, pooled around his bare feet. He must have kicked them off in his sleep.

Bucky was alive. Not a pile of ashes. Not disappeared into another realm.

Steve sighed in relief and laid his head down on the pillow.

With a shaky hand, he reached out to pick up his phone from the bedside table, nearly knocking over his wedding ring. In the faint light, he saw the loosely placed charger unplugging and dangling next to the bedside table in the process.

68% battery.

02:43 am.

January 11th, 2020.

Shit.

Steve had forgotten all about it.

Steve hated nights like these. Where the memories kept him up instead of nightmares, when they played like a long, uninterrupted movie in his head. He  _hated_ the eleventh of January every year ever since the snap. He dreaded the eleventh of January.

Steve sighed and laid back down on the bed. He put the phone back on the bedside table and ran a hand through his long hair.

He knew it would be a tough day for the rest of the universe. The day half of the population disappeared. The day the birds stopped chirping and the world stopped spinning.

It was a day of calamity and grief for the lives that were lost in the fallout of the battles.

The destruction went into the billions of dollars. The most catastrophic battle yet that  
Terra had seen yet.

Steve hoped to God and every deity out there that there wouldn't be a third one.

An hour passed until his heartbeat was back to normal. At least, what felt like an hour.

Steve curled into another position, letting himself move closer to Bucky. He tried to keep as quiet as possible but the small creaks of the mattress gave his action away.

Next to him, Bucky stirred. He mumbled a little bit, slowly opening his eyes. "Hon?" his voice was croaky from barely waking up. He rubbed at his eyes with his flesh hand, then reached to turn on his lamp from his bedside table.

Soft yellow light filled the darkness, Steve blinking a few times to get accustomed to it.

"Hey," Steve said softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"What's-" Bucky yawned. "What's up?"

Steve struggled to keep his voice from shaking, before finally giving up and saying, "It's...it's the eleventh."

Bucky's face softened. "Hey, c'mere," he said, voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm fine, Buck. I just…I'm shaken up a little bit, that's all."

"Honey, it's okay. I don't mind,"

Finally, Steve gave in. He rested his head on Bucky's chest. Bucky pulled him closer.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Steve said again.

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Some, but not much."

"Was it the same nightmare you've had before?"

"Yeah. Nightmares and memories," Steve said.

Bucky sighed, rubbing small circles on Steve's back. "They're just that. Just nightmares. Just memories. Nothing more, nothing less."

They were living the rest of their life in peace.

It was what Steve always wanted. Not war, like Ultron made him think. Not fighting, like when he was a scrawny kid in Brooklyn and it was all he could do to defend himself. Not conflict, because he didn't need conflict to be alive. Not anymore.

All he needed to live was, well, to live. To live the rest of his life in peace with the person and people he loves by his side. To live the rest of his life in peace in a peaceful country that offered asylum and shelter.

January 11th was going to come and go, and one day, it would be just another day in the calendar.

It took Steve a short while, but eventually he drifted into a dreamless, restful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are welcomed and highly appreciated!


End file.
